First off, I hate that term. If you can’t say “women”, just shut the fuck up.

But, there is a special kind of dunderhead on these innanets, and this irked me so bad that I had to write something.

“Why would you want a woman friend? All you’d want to do is fuck.”

“I don’t care about what women think, or do. That’s not what men do.”

These two statements have been living rent-free in my head for a little bit, and I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why.

But a number of people, specifically Black women, pointed out something which makes a ton of sense. This kind of thought is based on two things. Patriarchy, and something they called “emotional attraction”.

Patriarchy tells boys that girls are to be conquered. They’re not worthy of having thoughts or opinions or dreams. They are barely human, and not to be listened to or really respected. All things are Man, and Man rules all…except the kitchen and doing chores and being a mom and Shutting the Fuck Up.

So, those boys grow up, and become men who only really respect one woman in their lives; their mothers. And so they can’t think of women of anything BUT a sexual context. What else are they good for, after all? They can’t hold conversations, or think or talk about careers, be into sports. They’ll talk to other females, but I’m trying to have sex with those women too.

Which leads to the second concept. People do things to get approval from their peer groups, and for a regular-ass hetero dude, it’s other dudes, because patriarchy. First, it’s the gain approval from Dad. Then their other dude friends. In time, it’s other dudes, socialized the same way. Women are seen as petty, chaotic, far beyond the ken, understanding, or bother of Man.

So, it goes to reason, I didn’t listen to them growing up, why should I start now?

There can be patches of resistance, I suppose. Growing up around girls, tp be involved in their worlds, can yield some empathy and some appreciation of them as people, which sounds like a small thing, but that small thing is amplified as the years go by.

Too bad we are where we are, though. Women have some interesting things to tell us and teach us.